My son is 5 days old and I have tried to breast feed, I know all the benefits and feel that it is a great choice, how ever we have serious complications; he wont lack on, I am too big, and he doesnt eat enough to prevent me from terrible engorment, so I have decided to exclusively pump, but I cant help but to feel terribely like a failure… I dont know where to turn for resources or info on exclusive pump feeding.. again I feel like a failure..
and on top of everything I took him to the doctor today and he has lost weight, I just feel like the worlds worst mom.. I cant even take care of my child..
February 27th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Welcome to the baby blues! Be aware that a big chunk of what you’re going through is actually hormonal. It will pass, no matter what decision you make! When my son was 7 days old I sat sobbing that we’d never get it and that I was a terrible mother. I had a traumatic birthing experience (c-section w/general anesthesia) and wasn’t able to see my son right away, so I was convinced that the breastfeeding relationship was over. I contacted my local La Leche League leader. It can be really difficult to reach out like this, especially when you’re under the influence of not enough sleep and crazy hormones. I’m sure she told me a lot of things, but the most important one, and the one that stuck with me, was “Trust your instincts. You know your body and your baby better than anyone.” After that I was able to relax enough that my son finally latched on. I still had to do a combination of pumping and latching at the beginning, but we gradually got it. If you can get in touch with a La Leche League volunteer (see http://www.llli.org to find your local group) or a lactation consultant, or both, you may find a solution. Even if you don’t, know you are doing your best for your baby. Pumping may be less convenient than “straight from the source” feeding, but you are giving your son a wonderful gift. Good luck!
February 28th, 2010 at 5:10 am
You can get support with breastfeeding at laleche league.
Don’t feel like a failure though. Not everyone can breast feed. You are trying and that’s what counts. Did you doctor tell you all babies lose some weight after they are born.
Try to bottle feed to supplement inbetween pumping.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:52 am
Hi Danielle, Don’t despair…you are not the only woman this has happened to…I was so engorged they called me Dolly Parton!!! I did not think it was very funny at the time. Try expressing some milk before the baby nurses because..like you have noticed when you are engorged it is very difficult for the baby to latch on. Expressing a bit of milk first won’t keep the baby from getting what he needs and your milk will begin to regulate to what the baby’s needs are.
Good luck to you
February 28th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
That is totally not true. You are a great mom. If your not happy than your baby is going to sense that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pumping and supplementing. My daughter is five and is in excellent health and is very smart for her age. (her teacher told me so) I only got to breast feed for 4 days. You are not a failure. Sometimes this stuff happens and you shouldn’t feel bad at all. There is just too much pressure. You’ll be OK, sorry I don’t have any resources for you, but coming from another mom that didn’t breast feed that long, it will be OK.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
Contact your local La Leche group, they are in the yellow pages, call the OB floor at the hospital, they should be able to put you in touch with a lactation expert, there should be a nurse there who can help, your own OB/GYN should be able to help, the pediatrition should have said something and PLEASE DO NOT WORRY about the weight loss in your newborn, a loss of up to 10% in the first week is normal. the ped should have told you this. breastfeeding isn’t a piece of cake sometimes. my first we struggled because of the same issue poor latching, large breast and painful engorgement. the engorgememt is normal right now and will pass, the milk is officially in and the colosturm phase is over. if you are supplementing with a bottle at this point he may be “nipple confused” and it will just take a little longer but it is doable.
I can give you some pointers here but consulting the La Leche League in your area for hands on help will benefit you and your baby. i am currently nursing my third so I do have some experience.
1. painful engorgement….prior to nursing take a warm washcloth apply to breast and either pump little or hand express to soften the nipple area
2. postioning…. try different positions…the common cradle hold, th e football hold, hold baby like a football on the same side as you are trying to nurse, but at slight upward angle, then also try lying down on the bed and with the baby facing you
3. latching on….tickle baby’s cheek this will cause him to open his mouth in the sucking reflex, open his mouth wider by gently tugging on his chin and place nipple in his mouth toward the roof of his mouth with as much of the aerola as possible in
I wish I was there to help you because i help others like you here but there are resources for you to turn to in your area, please do so. Many blessings to you and your baby. Never think that you are the world’s worst mom, inexperience does not make you bad.
March 1st, 2010 at 5:53 am
You are doing a great job! My son was born 11 weeks early and had to be on a feeding tube so I pumped breast milk for him for the 10 weeks he was in the hospital. He had a hard time latching on too, and when he came home I had to switch him to formula because I was not making enough milk for him. He is now 2 1/2, and he is very healthy, active, and we have an incredibly strong bond, even though I could not actually breastfeed him. Don’t let people tell you that you are a failure! And babies almost always lose weight after being born, but it will come back soon.
March 1st, 2010 at 9:17 am
I just gave birth to my third child in January. I started nursing her right away. She lost weight until her 4 week check-up and at that time, she was only half a pound bigger than her birth weight. The fact is that breast milk babies grow at a slower rate than formula-fed babies. This is the norm! Formula feeding and ending up with gigantic babies is not.
Whether you nurse or pump, the baby is still getting all the benefits of your milk. I’ve started pumping exclusively because I’m getting ready to go back to work and my daughter will be in daycare. As long as you pump often (at least every three hours) and do it regularly, your milk supply will keep up with the baby’s demand.
Make sure you have a good, efficient and convenient pump. I use the manual Avent ISIS and it is wonderful! It has been through two babies with me. Don’t be discouraged, but when your baby is about 3 or 4 weeks old, you will start to see a decrease in your volume of milk. Just keep pumping and it will come back up.
It’s a big committment to pump exclusively, but I found that it’s well worth it. I tried giving my baby formula one evening and she spent hours crying with an upset stomach and vomiting. The battle of finding the right formula and dealing with the tummy aches until then is just not worth it to me. I’d rather go the extra mile and have a happy, comfortable baby.
Continue to make eye contact and talk to your baby while you’re bottle feeding your breast milk. The bonding is still amazing!! Good luck!!!
http://www.kellymom.com has some great info!
March 1st, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Your doing fine, your baby is still getting the good stuff. Try to pump then feed him it might be easier. There are support groups for new moms learning to feed their babies. You might try calling the hospital and asking them for the number. But don’t feel bad your doing great and trying is the best thing. And you can take care of your baby you and him are getting to know each other. And if your getting to stressed out giving him a bottle is not the worst thing.
March 1st, 2010 at 7:46 pm
dont feel like a failure, u make me feel sad when i read that
im a mum of 4 and im still breastfeeding my 4th at the moment
but i only breastfed my 1st for 3days and started on formula, my nipples were bleeding and she was always crying, so i quit
i cried for days when i did, but she is 10years old now and i have no regrets, she never got eczema and food allergies like my breastfed babies, and i fed them for 2years
i reckon breastfeeding made no difference in the health department, u can exclusively pump, my friends is 8weeks and her baby has never been able to latch on, so she has to express every meal
if u do persist with the breast it will get better, but sometimes it dosent
if u go bottle you will feel guilty, but u get over it, and u will never think of it again, i didnt
u r a great mum, u have a beautiful baby, and your job is to look after your baby, not just feed it, there r alot more jobs u gotta do for your baby
good luck
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:29 am
Hello Mama
Congratulations!
Well this happened to me about less than 6 weeks ago when i had my baby. My son wouldn’t latch on, he pushes his tongue, he just didn’t know how to nurse. the lactation specialists did everything they could to help him latch on and they didn’t want to give him the bottle even if he was crying all the time from being hungry. he kept me awke all night during my 3 nights at the hospital plus i was hurting from my c section. he lost 10% of his weight during the first 2 days, so they gave him a little bit of formula until my milk came and i could pump. I had to pump my milk every two to three hours to relieve pressure. if you don’t pump very often you will get engorged and might get a fever like me. i kept on trying to give my baby my breast but refused refused refused. now i exclusively pump and still give him my milk in a bottle.
at first i didn’t want to accept the idea of my son not wanting to nurse but i’m happy now because he can still get the nutrients and antibodies from my milk.
just keep pumping every 2 hours, if you wait too long your milk will reduce like what happened to me!
the only thing i hate about this is that at night i get up to pump, feed the baby change him so it’s more time.
please don’t feel so bad. it’s not your fault, nobody’s fault.
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:20 am
babys are expected to lose waight..if you are giving him brest milk exclusivly than he will re gain his birth waight in about 3 weeks.
brest feeding is a life choice and is not for every one. as his mother you have the right to make that deshion. i am of the belif that no one can take care of your child better than you! i am shure yuo are doing a terrfic job and youe little one will grow to be a happy healty well adjusted adult thanks to having a grate mother like you. don’t second guess your self and if you have seirous doughts than call your ped. they understand that first time mothers get worried easily!
The “baby blues” have always been viewed as a normal part of the postpartum period. Usually starting between the third and fifth day after delivery, feelings of mild depression, crying spells, anxiety, irritability, and mood swings occur in as many as 85% of women. Because this expected phase of mothering is so common, and usually resolves after a few days without any intervention, health care professionals often ignored these symptoms, and left the new mothers and families to deal with it on their own.
In the past few years, mothers and doctors have become more aware of the high incidence of postpartum blues. They are realizing that often the “blues” are much more than a temporary normal phase that “every mother goes through.” Some mothers will continue into a more severe depression that, if ignored and untreated, can have severe consequences for the new mother and baby.
Postpartum Depression occurs in 10 to 15 percent of deliveries. It is much more than the standard “baby blues” discussed above. Most cases begin within the first few weeks after delivery, but onset can be delayed for several months. Symptoms include:
Depressed mood
Agitation
Fatigue
Lack of interest in pleasurable activities
Poor concentration and decision making
Poor appetite
Insomnia
Feelings of failure as a mother
Guilt
Unusual worry over infant’s health
Suicidal thoughts
How can you distinguish the difference between routine baby blues and postpartum depression? To diagnose postpartum depression, the following criteria must be met:
Symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks
Depressed mood or lack of interest in pleasurable activities must occur much of the day, almost every day
At least four of the remaining symptoms must be present
Other characteristics of postpartum depression that emphasize the importance of prevention and treatment for this disorder include:
It affects 30 percent of adolescent deliveries.
Many cases last more than six months, and untreated, can persist for over a year.
Many women will go on to have recurrent psychiatric disorders year after the postpartum depression resolves.
In moderate to severe cases, some women will refuse to have any more children.
Children of mothers with postpartum depression have a higher risk of behavioral problems and show lower scores on intellectual testing.
Untreated, postpartum depression can have a devastating impact on the mother/infant relationship.
Because the ramifications of this disorder are so widespread, it is extremely important to identify prenatally those women who are at higher risk. Factors include:
History of a mood disorder prior to pregnancy. One half of women with postpartum depression will have such a prior history.
Postpartum depression with a previous child. There is a 30 percent chance of having the disorder with subsequent children.
Education about this disorder during prenatal classes can make families more aware of the risk factors and signs to watch for during the early postpartum weeks.
It is unclear exactly what causes postpartum depression, but research has shown that genetic risk, situational stresses, changes in a variety of hormones, and changes in certain chemicals in the brain may all play a roll in triggering this disorder.
Treating postpartum depression
Most uncomplicated cases can be managed by an OB/GYN with antidepressant medications. The two most common types are tricyclic antidepressants (TCA’s) and serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRI’s). Counseling and support groups are an important part of treatment, as are regular exercise, good nutrition, and a supportive family.
good luck and congrats
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:56 am
Do not feel bad, ever! You are not a bad mom ’cause you’re not breastfeeding, sometimes it just doesnt work out but that doesn’t make you any worse. Pump or switch to formula. However if you really want to give it a try , go to La Leche League website, you can find consultant in your area, they have regular meeting you can go to or there’s usually a number of somebody in your area you can call and just ask about anything you need to know. And they are specialists, they really know what they’re talking about, I got help from them with my second child.
March 2nd, 2010 at 8:46 am
I know how you feel i have a 5 week old and had the same problems ..my nipple was hurting so bad that i would get tiers when i put him on the breast ..i was looking on the web for help and found this website and after reading it and fallowing instruction i finally got a good latch …..i also bought one of those silicone nipples to put on my own nipple to help with the pain of my cracked nipples “toys r us ‘ when i was reading the info given on the website i try’d again and again and it finally worked !!!!!!! go there read it look at the photos and try again !!!!! besides the milk will come as you feed it dosnt matter how big u are ……… let me know if it worked .it helped me .
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:03 am
You shouldn’t feel guilty. He’s still getting breast milk. doesn’t matter that it he is getting it out of a bottle. You should call your doctor or the hospital where you had your son they should have numbers of some support groups. When I had my son the lady used to come right to the house and I could call them whenever I needed. I wasn’t making enough milk so I had to give formula. Your not a failure sounds like your doing a great job. Relax and enjoy your baby.
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:55 am
Dont feel bad, i felt this same way but its only because everyone tells you to breast feed and they look down on you for not breasfeeding. Its totally normal for your baby to loose weight at first, as long as with in 1-2 weeks they ging some wieght, then your baby is fine. Dont worry about the pumping he as atleast still getting breast milk. My best friend couldnt breast feed beacause she ended up having kidney infections which made her really sick so she was on medication and had to resort to formula for her baby, she too felt incredibly guilty about it but there was nothing she could do. Have you gone to a WIC office to try and see if someone could help you with this? WIC’s job is to help women with breastfeeding, and if not that atleast they can help with pumping techniques so that you still produce enough breast milk. I hope everything gets better and really dont feel like the worst mom, some people abondon their kids and you cared so much about your baby you came onto this site for advice, so your doing something about it you havent failed your child. Good Luck………….
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:40 pm
yes 99% of women CAN breastfeed and you CAN do this…you know you are making the milk…so you need some help
and he is only 5 days old……keep trying….and him eating enough won’t prevent you from engorging….i also made MASS amounts of milk with my daughter and she ate very well….and 30 minutes later my milk machine boobies were full and leaking and all over again
if you are producing large amounts of milk then go with it!!…you know how when he nurses on one breast the other starts gushing and spraying the walls?…haaaaa….no really
then have a pump handy to pump that milk and start building up your frozen supply!
and keep trying to latch him!…and get hands on help from La Leche League or a lactation consultant
before you know it you will be breastfeeding like a pro and your milk production WILL settle into a routine
and yes newborns lose weight….that is normal…what you need to watch for is his output in pee and poop
and you are also recovering from the birth, you are hormonal, tired, bla bla bla …..recognize that but persevere my love
the complications you have now are worth every bit of your future breastfeeding experience!..keep the faith and do not accept anything less for your son….you both deserve this
and please don’t supplement with formula!…that will be the quickest way to sabatage yourself and don’t let a doctor tell you otherwise…most doctors don’t know s hit about breastfeeding
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Just do your best and see a lactation consultant. They will be able to help you out.